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Savage Love: Bi-bestie

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Savage broken heart

I’ve been with my girlfriend “J” for two years. Her best friend “M” is a gay man she’s known since high school. M and I have hung out many times. He seems cool, but lately I’ve been wondering if he and J are fucking behind my back.

For starters, J and I rarely have sex anymore. Even a kiss on the cheek happens less than once a week. Meanwhile, J’s Facebook feed has pictures of M grabbing her tits outside of a gay club in front of her sister. She told me he’s spent the night in her room, even though he lives only a few miles away. I’ve also recently found out that although M has a strong preference for men, he considers himself bisexual.

I understand that everyone loves tits, even if they’re not turned on by them, and gay men can sleep with a girl and actually just… sleep. I also know that her antidepressants can kill sex drive. All three things at once feel like more than just coincidence, though. At the very least, the PDAs seem disrespectful. At worst, I’m a blind fool who’s been replaced. Am I insecure or is there something to these worries?

You Pick The Acronym I Gotta Get To Work

Your girlfriend’s best friend isn’t gay, YPTAIGGTW, he’s bisexual — so, yeah, it’s entirely possible M is fucking your girlfriend, since fucking girls is something bisexual guys do and, according to one study, they’re better at it. (Australian women who had been with both bi and straight guys ranked their bi male partners as more attentive lovers, more emotionally available, and better dads, according to the results of a study published in 2016.)

But while we can’t know for sure whether M is fucking J, YPTAIGGTW, we do know who she isn’t fucking: you. If the sex is rare and a kiss — on the cheek — is a once-a-week occurrence, it’s time to pull the plug. Yes, antidepressants can be a libido killer. They can also be a dodge. If your girlfriend doesn’t regard the lack of sex as a problem and isn’t working on a fix — if she’s prioritizing partying with her bisexual bestie over talking to her doc and adjusting her meds, if she hasn’t offered you some sort of accommodation/outlet/work-around for the lack of sex — trust your gut and get out.

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