I am sorry it has come to this, everyone in Indianapolis, but we have to burn this city to the ground and live with whatever pops up out of the ashes. We’ve had a good run, more or less. We had Razor Shines and Thunder Island and Catt Sadler and a Super Bowl and some other cool shit. Did we deserve any of it? As it turns out, we did not.

No, we deserve to be waterboarded with bleach & Guy Fieri’s pubes and shot into outer space. :(

That is because Billboard Magazine, using Facebook metrics, says that Colts fans’ favorite band is Radiohead, probably because we’re pretty chill & we dig good tunes and HAHA JK it’s Nickelback, now grab some fire and get busy, this city won’t torch itself!

It will be better this way, gang. It will be better in the end. Sure, we’ll miss Mass Ave and La Piedad and a functioning infrastructure, but we have no choice. Such is the toxic stench of Nickelback — Canada’s shittier version of Creed. Nickelback is what happens when roofies take on a human form and sort of learn how to play the guitar. And now they've infiltrated the very molecular fibers of our city’s reputation and only a century of fire can remove it, what a goddamn shame.

#IndyStrong #Pray4Indy #NeverForget

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