"I think I know what you’re going to say but I wanted to ask anyway. There is a guy I met at the gym. I had previously seen him for months but we had never talked and then one day we finally talked and exchanged e-mails and numbers. He didn’t call but I saw him the next week and we talked. It’s so easy to talk to him and it’s comfortable to be with him. I laugh a lot when I’m with him. We see each other at the gym but he doesn’t call very often. We’ve hung out but we haven’t gone out on a date. Am I expecting too much from this guy? I really want to find out where I stand with him. Should I talk to him about it or just let it go and settle with maybe having a friendship? There is chemistry but I don’t know how to get myself out of this place where I don’t know where I stand in his life. Help!
Hey, no problem at all. I’m always happy to make things easy on myself and confirm what you already know. Trust me, I have no ego in this, and am well aware that most dispensation of advice is doing exactly that. People usually have a keen sense of what their next move should be; it’s just nice to hear someone else say it out loud.
So, that being said, by all means ask him out! You said it took months of seeing each other before you spoke for the first time, so if you want things to move along you’ll probably need to take charge a little. Asking where you stand before you’ve had a single date would be awkward and premature, but asking him out to dinner is a quick way to find out what his intentions are. He may be hesitating with you out of fear of rejection, because that fear can actually give him unfortunate superpowers. It’s like Kevlar for attraction, making him impervious to any positive signals you send. You also have to take into consideration where you met. Like it or not, being “that guy at the gym” can carry a stigma with it. Where there are elliptical machines, there too is a fine line between flirtation and creepiness. He might be trying to avoid looking like he’s overly interested in something physical. In any case, virtually every man will tell you that if you take first initiative, he won’t miss the pressure and nervousness at all.
But as you mentioned, it may be he’s just not interested in anything other than friendship, so keep that in mind as well. Of course, this is still a good time to make a move and find out. You don’t have anything invested in him emotionally speaking, so if this is destined to become nothing more than a workout buddy situation, finding out shouldn’t be too painful. The most you risk is some brief disappointment. So take a deep breath, and go