"I have a gripe. I just read this week’s column about the girl who is “seeing” a guy but not technically dating him, and she’s all offended that he’s stringing his ex along. I just have to comment. First of all, why bother? Why is she so worried about whether or not he’s treating his ex ethically and morally when they’re not even together? I mean, please, it sounds like nobody in this triangle is together officially anyway, so pardon me, but who cares?
Second of all, I don’t see where she gets off getting all worried about being “ethical and moral” in the first place. If I’m reading the letter that Confused wrote correctly, her, what would you call him, her booty call? Anyway, when she and this guy first “hooked up,” he was living with his girlfriend. So let me see if I have this straight: She doesn’t like the way he’s treating his ex-girlfriend now, but she had no problem with him cheating on her before? Whatever! I just think it’s pretty hypocritical to cause a relationship to break up and then get mad at the guy about how he’s conducting the breakup. To me, she just isn’t being consistent. Either you care about morals and ethics or you don’t, you can’t care when it suits your needs and then just say “oh well” when you want something, like to get laid. You applauded her character for caring about this, but I think you’re being too nice (you usually are, by the way, but that’s OK). You can’t have good character unless it’s consistent, and actually the true test of character is doing the right thing even if it means you don’t get what you want.Thanks for letting me vent.
Dear Not Impressed,
It’s far from an ideal situation for any of them, I’ll grant you that, but you’re making assumptions that you shouldn’t, and I couldn’t, based on the little information we both have. While the relationship Ms. Confused has with this man is a casual one, neither you nor I can conclusively say it caused the breakup. I’ll also grant you, the timeline makes it sound as if he moved out after he and Confused “hooked up,” but not necessarily because of it. If that actually is the case, it doesn’t thrill me either, but since I don’t know for certain either way, I chose to address the situation at hand.
What’s wrong with being concerned about how another person is being treated? And who exactly is entitled to do so? I’m not advocating hypocrisy, just being realistic. Everyone behaves inconsistently at some point; that is undeniable. We all make terrible decisions based solely on what will gratify us. Some people commit murders, others blather into cell phones at the checkout and there are innumerable offenses in between. To say that previous poor choices disqualify someone from making better ones in the future is unfair, not to mention would eliminate the opportunity to be honorable from the entire human race. When I praise someone who chooses to act nobly, it is not because I expect them to do so in every situation before and after that moment. It’s because I think it is important to encourage others to be their best selves as often as possible. It’s my little way of trying to make the world a better place. So piss off.
See? I’m not always nice, wink