Screwing. Gettin' busy. Boinking. The horizontal mambo. Sex. Most of us do it (sorry, Mom!). But does sex have to define our relationships?

Having sex is just one part of someone's life — most people spend their time doing other things as well, or else face the discomfort of extreme chafing. Most intimate relationships have something to do with sex, though the importance a couple places on it depends on the individuals themselves.

Homosexuality is defined as experiencing an attraction to members of the same sex. The act of sex, however, is not a pre-requisite. Attraction is the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something (Google it). So in essence, being gay is not about sex. It's a feeling, not an action. Homosexual sex is just a by-product of same-sex attraction.

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Many of those who disagree with the "homosexual lifestyle" say that we are over-sexed, drugged-out, body-glitter aficionados. Are there homosexuals for whom their entire lives revolve around hooking up? Absolutely. But there are just as many (more, according to the law of averages) straight people whose lives revolve around that same goal. We call these people, regardless of orientation, sex addicts.

If being gay were truly all about sex, then why would so many of us spend so much of our lives striving for equal rights and recognition of our relationships that have nothing to do with sex? If you believe the proponents of HJR 3, being straight is also all about sex. When the Indiana House of Representatives debated the issue, it was explicitly stated by a number of those who spoke that marriage equality is not necessary because the purpose of marriage is procreation (which, if I'm not mistaken, is usually achieved through sex). So by their definition, marriage is about sex. But sex is not a requirement of marriage, and marriage is not a requirement for sex.

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We've been inundated with news stories of men in power who identify as straight yet have been caught engaging in, or attempting to engage in, gay sex: Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, Indiana's own former Republican state legislator Phil Hinkle. These men choose to marry women and portray a "straight lifestyle," claiming to uphold the traditional family paradigm yet engaging in extramarital sex. Infidelity isn't a new concept, but their inability to form healthy relationships combined with their positions of power and influence result in a prohibition of others to share in legally recognized, monogamous homosexual relationships. Being gay is only about sex for them, so they insist it's only about sex for the rest of us.

No one in the Statehouse asked me or my husband whether our relationship was just about sex. It's not. It's also about love, support and mutual respect. Occasionally someone will ask me: "Who's the husband and who's the wife?" Well, we both are. He cooks. I clean. He does the yard work. I do the laundry. He pays the bills. I play video games.

Though we are not married in the eyes of the law, I refer to him as my husband. He is the person who I own a home with, vacation with, share my fears, hopes and dreams with. He is the person I love. But he is not my lover. Our relationship involves more than just sex.

He is not my partner. We are not in business together and we don't square dance.

He is not my roommate, my fuck buddy or my "special friend."

He is my husband. There's simply no other word for it.


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