So I think my friend’s mom is trying to get in my pants? Every time I come over, she’s touching my hair or telling me how good I look. I’m in my early 20s and she’s only 44 and looks really good. But……..she’s my friend’s mom. How do I know if she actually wants me or if she’s just being flirtatious.
— Anonymous, from Tumblr
Sarah: Is she single? If she’s single, maybe she’s doing the whole cougar fantasy thing, and good on her if so. You’re both consenting adults, so on that front, I have no issue with this. That said, Bro, are you going to bang your friend’s mom? I’d be all about you totally American Pie-ing it up, except that if he’s a good friend of yours, there’s pretty much no larger awkwardness bomb that you could drop than “Also, I banged your mom.” Another thing I have to ask: how long have you known this friend? If your friends mom has known you since you were a wee child, run far and fast because she is queen of the ladycreeps and she’s going to steal your blood to stay young. If this is someone you’ve known only while inhabiting, more or less, the body of an adult, you’re cool. Here are the essential consequences you must weigh: Is this woman available for free-and-clear banging? Is this a friend you are willing to cut all ties with forever if he’s not cool with you literally being a motherfucker, because boy howdy, you’d have to be a Flying Wallenda to walk that netless tightrope of social risk and come out unscathed. Your skills seems far to terrestrial to pull it off. I dunno man. The touch barrier’s been broken so anything could happen at this point. Good luck. I don’t envy your position.
Debby: Many men are used to being the one to initiate and not the one to respond. When guys who are into women find a woman is coming on to them (even if it’s a situation that may bring all kinds of drama with it, like your friend’s mom!), many guys think they’re just supposed to have sex with her. After all, what guy turns down sex, right? Wrong. As one of my mentors used to say, an important part of sexual development for many men is learning that just because they get an erection doesn’t mean they have to use it. And just because someone offers you sex, or just because you have the opportunity to put your penis into someone else’s body, doesn’t mean you have to take it. This might seem like a “duh” thing but it’s not. If more men took this to heart, we might have fewer men in dramatic or even awful, illegal situations (think of all the groups of guy friends who keep showing up on video taking advantage of drunk passed out women by sticking their penises in them - i.e., raping them). Leaving sexual assault and rape out of it though, think of all the regular real life situations that arise because some guy was excited that someone else came on to them. When I read your question, you’re focused on figuring out whether she’s coming on to you or not. I don’t see you talking about whether you’re into her or not or how, if you are, this might affect your friendship. This isn’t just about whether you have an opportunity for sex or not and, as Sarah wisely points out, there’s a lot more to consider here than whether or not you have an opening.