I’m really, really into this girl I just started dating...but there’s a problem with the sex. She likes to schedule it days in advance. She’ll ask me about my schedule during the following week and coordinate the “ideal” nights of the week to have sex, and she’s tough to get ahold of on the nights when our schedules don’t line up. Is this just a really weird situation with a pretty type A person? How do I get her to be more flexible about spending intimate time with me?
— Anonymous, from Tumblr
Sarah: Oh golly jeeze. How do I put this gently? This chick is definitely, for sure, keeping you in rotation with at least one other dude. Or maybe she’s really busy with work and an intense hobby. But no one really does that, so I’m going to stick with “Spinning the Rolodong” for 800, Alex. Have you had a conversation with her about exclusivity and how you like to express yourself physically in the relationship? If not, I’d start by getting some clarity about where you fall on her priority list, and you need to be honest about where she falls on yours. When you really want to spend time with someone, you just naturally find reasons to be around them. And if you’re not getting the face-to-face intimate time that you want out of this relationship, feel free to head on down that dusty trail to find someone who’s just as excited to bang you on the reg as you are to do the same.
Debby: This is definitely an uncommon situation. You might be, as Sarah put it, in rotation with either another sex partner or just a very full and scheduled life (maybe she schedules time with friends or at the gym in a similar way). Whatever the case, it’s time for a real conversation about what’s going on, whether you two are seeing other people (or want to see other people), and how it makes you feel to be scheduled several days in advance.