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Any tips on increasing/reviving sex drive? Can go for weeks without having intercourse, and when I do I normally have had a drink or two. I don't want to have to do that all the time. I think part of it has to do with age and possibly pre - menopause :-) my husband is understanding but I'm sure his patience will wear out soon. Thanks!

— Anonymous, from Tumblr

Sarah: My tips for revving up your sex drive is the same to everyone, at every age: You gotta start feelin’ yourself. What do I mean by that? I mean it’s time to get back in touch with how you really feel, and then treat your body accordingly. I’m no doctor or sex educator, but I find that people who have the most sex and sex drive make a concerted effort to eat food that makes them feel good, get some regular exercise, and generally appreciate themselves. Also keep in mind that sex drive waxes and wanes over our lives, so it might not last forever. Anecdotally, though, I’ve found that people who renew their interest in feeling physically better overall usually look forward to sex with their partners on a regular basis, and their partners are happy to oblige.

Debby: Self-pleasure is definitely important, as Sarah notes. Do you choose foods you like to eat? Watch movies that make you laugh or cry? Or are you always pleasing other people? Make sure to take care of your basic lifestyle behaviors too. What do I mean? Get good sleep; research has found that (not surprisingly) people tend to want sex more after they’ve had a good night’s sleep. Eat well. Exercise and move your body sometimes. Smoking cigarettes has been found, for both women and men, to impair sexual arousal so if you smoke, why not quit? And check out a book like Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch - one of the few to artfully address both relationships and sex in a way that resonates with many long-term couples (he and his therapy team also offer weekend workshops for couples, in case you’re interested). Finally, check in with your healthcare provider to rule out any health issues that may be troubling.

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