My partner likes to be fucked hard but takes a while to cum. Any advice on how to delay male orgasm without slowly down?
— Anonymous, from Tumblr
Sarah: Think about Kate Moss in lingerie on that stripper pole the White Stripes’ “I Don’t Know What to Do With Myself” video, except instead of Kate Moss, it’s your grandmother. My work here is done.
Debby: Some men have a natural ability to keep thrusting without coming. Others actually feel challenged by this very experience - in other words, they would love love love to come but instead they find it very difficult to come due to being prone to delayed ejaculation (meaning it takes them exceedingly long to come, no matter how much they try or inhibited ejaculation (meaning they don’t come at all, even after lots of stimulation). You may be able to buy yourself 30 seconds or another minute or so or thrusting by using a performance enhancing condom. These typically contain a desensitizing substance inside the condom. Typically they’re used by guys with premature ejaculation looking to buy a little extra time before coming but there’s no reason they couldn’t also be used by someone like you who also wants a little extra time (even though you don’t struggle with PE). Other men enjoy “edging” and find this helps them extend sex a little. During masturbation, you could try getting close and closer to orgasm and then backing off; slowing down is one way of backing off but not the only way and playing with what you’re focusing on/thinking about (as Sarah suggests) is another way of changing your level of arousal to back on or back off from the “edge”. Finally - you may try all these things and it may just be that your body doesn’t work like this, or that you could only delay for another 10 or 20 seconds. Most men will come pretty quickly with lots of hard thrusting and that’s totally fine! You’re not a robot, you’re a human. Where your penis leaves off, you can always pick up with fingers or a dildo or vibrator or, if you two have a more open situation, in a threesome with a guy with delayed or inhibited ejaculation.