My partner and I have started talking about opening up our relationship. I like the idea, but only in situations where my partner and I are participating in sex acts with other partners while we’re together. He wants it to include sex outside of my knowledge, which I think is kind of greasy. The appeal, to me, is to share my new sexual experiences with him. He wants to open up so he can have a lot of sex with other people. Are we just not compatible for sharing this lifestyle together?
— Anonymous, from Tumblr
Sarah: It’s hard to say without trying it in practice, eh? If you’re worried about jealousy, well, you should be. It’s part of being a human being, and deprogramming our desire to possess our partner’s sexuality is a long process. That said, I would just give it a try and have a real conversation about your feelings afterward. And it never hurts to set some ground rules for these situations, like spending the night, when and where are acceptable hours for meetups, and things like that. Just because you’re defying the normal confines of conventional monogamy doesn’t mean you can’t have reasonable boundaries while testing these waters.
Debby: The ground rules are crucial and so is a sense that you'll both stick to them. If he feels like he can't — and in fact would be turned on by not sticking to them — that may be where compatibility becomes an issue. Keep the conversation open and be aware of suggestions from him that he's going to be with others, regardless.