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So, my girlfriend just told me that she wants to call me “Daddy” sometimes when we have sex, and she wants me to call her “baby” or “baby girl.” We’ve been together for about 5 months, and while I’m generally pretty open-minded about most sexual stuff, this is a little too much for me. On the other hand, not doing it makes me feel like I’m not totally satisfying her. What should I do?

— Anonymous, from Tumblr

Sarah: Okay, so I have a few hard limits on my sexuality. One of them is “unclean” body fluids (blood, urine, poop), and another is this particular brand of age play. This is not me judging those who like it, but it’s one of those things that I, too, cannot even pretend to be into for the sake of my partner’s pleasure. So my advice here would be to find out of not being able to engage with this is a dealbreaker for her. If it is and you’re really into each other, there may be a middle ground with a few simple swaps, like maybe keeping “baby girl” but doing away with the “Daddy” part and tell her if that’s part of her fantasy, she can imply that dynamic to the relationship in her head. Personally, I’d probably be too icked to stick around, but I was born in Southern Indiana and some of my ways can’t be changed.

Debby: I agree with Sarah in that what this comes down to is where and what your limits are. It’s totally okay to have limits in sex; most people do. And many people are not comfortable with age-play especially when it involves parent/child kinds of play (across many cultures, there are strong incest taboos). If this is where your limits are, it’s okay to let her know (without shaming her) that she won’t be getting that from you. If you have an open relationship, she may be able to get it from someone else - it’s also okay not to meet every single one of a partner’s needs (most of us don’t feel horribly guilty if we don’t like all the movies or restaurants our partner is into). If you both want to be monogamous and this is super important to her, it may be a dealbreaker for one or both of you and that, too, is okay. That’s why people date and seek out their right “fit”.

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