I’m about to start dating an older guy (38 and 25) but I’m worried our sex drives will be mismatched. When does a guy’s sex drive start to dip?
— Anonymous, from Tumblr
Sarah: This isn’t really a thing. I have this theory that our sex drives stay the same, pretty much, but life and all of its complications draws that energy away from our sex drives as we get older. I also generally believe that we can work to stave off the vampiric nature of all these complications by scheduling better, cutting back where we can, and generally reforming our lives around the sex you want. There’s the rub, though, dear reader: you have to claim this as a priority in your relationship right out of the gates. If sex is important to you, reach down and firmly grip whatever genitals reside there and tell your partner you have a high sex drive and you would prefer your partner have a similar sex drive, please and thank you. Be honest about what you want, respectful of your partner’s wants, and in the words of Oasis, don’t look back in anger.
Debby: Everyone is different regardless of their sex or gender, and most of us have ebbs and flows in our lives where we feel more or less sexual desire/arousal based on things like stress from school/work/family, illness, broken bones, a pet who disrupts our sleep, depression, anxiety, being pregnant or postpartum, and so on. There are people in their 40s, 60s, 70s, and beyond with vibrant sex drives and people in their 20s will little to no sex drive. Why not just date him and see how it goes? It’s the only way to find out how you two sync up in terms of sex and everything else (values, interests, sense of humor, etc).