Sportsheets for Sportfucks


Oh, are you new here? Here's the run-down: One IU Kinsey Institute Ph.D., one smartass, once a week. Got a burning question? That's how we keep this crazy train chugging along, so send 'em in! or use our magical anonymous Tumblr inbox. 

Bangin' Aunt Flo

A good friend of mine recently called to catch me up on some of the great sex she's been having with her recent hookup. The other day, they had sex on the last day of her period, and we were laughing at how awkward that sitch ALWAYS is. Do guys care if you're on your period? Besides being incredibly awkward, are there any health benefits or risks to having sex on your period? - Anonymous, from Tumblr

S: For some guys, the menstruating vagina is as inviting as a sarlacc pit. For others, it's almost an afterthought in the quest for pleasure. I had a boyfriend who was so nonplussed by the idea of it that it made me realize that it was actually me who was super self-conscious about it. It makes for a pretty reliable litmus test, though, when determining a man's sexual maturity. If a guy is genuinely repulsed by the idea of his genitals being near yours while you're surfing the crimson tide, his experience with women has probably been a short-lived, one-handed pursuit and you should let that one hang out on the vine a little longer 'til he's ready. The simple fact is, if you're so grossed out by a little blood that you entirely lose your sex drive, you didn't want it that bad in the first place. If your guy would rather bang something with less mess and biology, give him a blow-up doll and give yourself the gift of the single life. Cowabunga!

D: Most men don't care - and post-high school/early twenties, many women stop caring too. Period or no period, you can have enjoyable sex. But if you want a few days or a week off of sex, they're yours to take - period or not. Some people use period time as a time to do something different (sex toy play, finger play, etc). All that said, blood is involved in periods and this can pose a slightly higher risk of STI transmission if a person has an STI to begin with, so that's something to be conscious of (hopefully you all are out there getting STI tested anyway, though). And as for benefits, if you are comfortable having period sex, it can be enjoyable and maybe even help you relieve period-related cramping or headaches or mood issues. You know your body best.

Legs parted, hearts connected

There's a strong possibility that my boyfriend and I will become long distance in the next few months. (Job stuff.) I'm not worried about keeping up the communication/love aspects of our relationship, but I AM wondering how exactly sex is supposed to work during the time when we're apart. If I have Skype sex, am I exposing the entire Internet world to my boobs? Any advice for a newbie on the world of keeping up the romance while long distance without going viral? - Anonymous, from Tumblr

S: We have previously covered this topic, but in a cellular snap iteration of this couples quandary. Generally, Skype is pretty secure, assuming that your BF isn't an dickbag who records every exchange for the viewing pleasure of his fantasy football league. If you're really worried, turn your internet security into a sexy game by wearing a wig and role playing with different names. While it's always good to keep the visual aspects of it going, I'd say that if you're really freaked out about the negligible chance of a hacking situation, just have a lot of phone sex. This has a two-pronged benefit over Skype sex: first, you don't have to worry about a pixelated still of your vag landing on some server somewhere. Second, you'll get a lot more practice using specific language to describe what you want and what you're imagining, which will open up a lot more possibilities when your bed is the one his boots are under. Happy Trails, until you bang again. 

D: Yes, there is always the risk of your parts being collected out there any time you put them on the Internet. The founder of Snapchat has been very clear that there are people in the world with lots of money and time and they could totally hack any type of video or image transfer or sharing site. Overzealous "spying"/security efforts on the Internet have also collected lots of genitals and sex acts. They're out there! It's up to you whether you want to take that risk or, you know, meet up and have real sex as often as you can.

Ball Talk

How do you handle the testicles? Any fun suggestions? - Anonymous, from Tumblr

S: 1. Put a bird on them. 2. Glue on big googly eyes so the dick looks like a nose, giggle. 3. Sequins, sequins, sequins 4. Dip them in ink and stamp them in a ball print scrapbook (no two are alike!). 5. Use brown eye shadow and some contouring make it look like cleavage. 6. Tiny flat cap worn jauntily to the side 7. Get some SPF 70 and a paintbrush and turn them into Latvian Easter eggs. Or just be nice to them the same way you would if your ovaries hung out on the outside - that's how sensitive they are! If they're struck or hurt in any way, most guys get physically nauseated (yes, that's a real thing). Don't be too scared, just be really gentle until you dial in how sensitive your partner's are. But in general, just translate all the moves you use on the shaft to a more delicate ball version and pay them plenty of attention, if your guy is into it. Buen provecho.

D: With care. And ask first. Some men love to have their genitals gently touched or (very rarely) pulled. And some like to have their testicles gently sucked on. Others. Do. Not. For some, the testicles are a no-touch zone and that's okay because, like women, men get to say what they do and don't enjoy being done with their body too. A fun thing to try, though, if you are lounging around post-sex on a lazy Sunday: blow warm air, then cool air, and repeat. Watch the testicles shrink up and then expand in response to the changing temperature. You're welcome.


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