Have a question for NUVO's resident sex doctor, the Kinsey Institute's Dr. Debby Herbenick? Ask anonymously here.
I am a lesbian and my partner and I are trying to get pregnant—they say having an orgasm makes pregnancy more likely, but the turkey baster (aka syringe) method is not very sexy. Has anyone invented some sort of dildo sperm delivery device? — Anonymous
Sarah: Whoa. This had absolutely never crossed my mind, so thank you for giving me food for thought. I’m not sure about the dildo, but I’m curious about your insistence that the orgasm and semen delivery be a 2-in-1 deal. I mean, there are a million ways to make a lady orgasm and only a couple ways to get sperm in there. I’m sure the item you’re looking for exists (and is probably available for same-day delivery), but you’re in the unique position of being able to have a lot more control over the placement of the semen. Add in a squirting fake dick and it seems like the clinical control factor goes way down. If I were you, I’d go for the orgasm (I mean, you should always go for the orgasm) and keep the baby-makin’ part separate. Good luck!
Debby: Yes, there is indeed a squirting dildo thanks to Doc Johnson and you can fill it with the liquid of your choice, including semen you happen to have on hand. However, the orgasm/pregnancy research is mixed at best and not all researchers think it’s sufficient enough to bank on, so my advice would be to focus on getting sperm deep inside your vagina and worry less about the orgasm in terms of conception (but obviously if you can make conceiving more pleasurable, enjoy). And while there’s no research that I know of to suggest laying on your back or placing pillows underneath your hips to keep more sperm inside you, a little gravity cannot hurt and might help. Good luck with your baby making - little people are super fun and important to our future!
Rooster in the henhouse
I am a lesbian and am totally into my partner, but often during sex I imagine being penetrated by men. Does this mean something deeper about my sexuality? —Anonymous
Sarah: Who knows, but probably not. I’ve had all sorts of strange characters make appearances in my brain during the deed, including Hulk Hogan, who I find physically repulsive and imagine smells like coconut oil and Drakkar Noir 24 hours a day. Our brains are a complex, labyrinthine storage unit center where things tend to tumble out of certain vestiges and unlocked doors. Either way, our thoughts are no dictators over our actions, and just because you’ve imagined being penetrated by man doesn’t necessarily mean anything about your sexuality.
Debby: It means you’re human! Seriously: self-identified sexual orientation seems to not have tons to do with our fantasies or enjoyments. Enjoy your partner - and your fantasy world.
My partner has orgasms very quickly and easily, but for me the process usually takes much longer and often I have to 'help'. Is there anything i can do that would make it easier to let my partner get me off without me stepping in to help? —Anonymous
Sarah: Try switching the game up so that orgasm is not the end goal for both of you. Play it like it’s high school in the back of your mom’s minivan and no one really knows what they’re doing and all you can do is touch and see what happens. Take your time playing and having fun. You could also build anticipation up by having a little morning foreplay and then making him or her wait all day to finish the job (mean, but very effective). Also, never underestimate the energized and energizing effects of morning sex when you’re all rested and before the tiring bullshit of the world reaches your ears. Best luck to you!
Debby: Time and practice and patience: few people’s favorite answers but there’s a lot of truth to that. If you are in a relatively new relationship, then as you get to know one another and your partner becomes more familiar with your body (and hopefully your intimacy and connection grows, too), then orgasm may be easier. If you have had recent health problems or started a new medication that is interfering with your orgasm, then mention that to a doctor or nurse. You can, of course, try to show your partner more of what you like - but if you and your partner are both okay with you assisting (which can be a huge turnon to many people), why not? Does it really matter, as long as you’re both enjoying your sexualities together?