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The Sex Doc is now a daily! Check back here every day for a new question. Have one for Dr. Debby Herbenick of the Kinsey Institute? Send it anonymously here. 

I'm a woman, and I sometimes orgasm really quickly and then again a few minutes later if my partner keeps thrusting. My current BF orgasms right after the first one and falls asleep, and I feel cheated. Am I being greedy? And how do I get my dude to last through the second, usually bigger orgasm?

Sarah: On the one hand, I’m sympathetic, as I believe everyone should have all the orgasms they can. On the other hand, not all the sex you have in your life is going to be a multi-orgasmic affair. That said, most guys can go once, maybe twice in a good night, so men’s whole frame of reference for orgasms is a lot more narrow than ours. Maybe you could simply inform him that, in fact, you can orgasm a lot more if he just waits a G-D minute, sir. Otherwise, I say get that first one during foreplay and leave the second for the uglies-bumping portion of the evening. Let’s also keep in mind that most women only orgasm about 30% of the time from intercourse, so, at least once in a while, be grateful for the one you seem to consistently get. In the paraphrased words of Stephen Stills, if you can't be with the one who makes you come twice, honey, come with the one you’re with.

Debby: Your body works by being up for multiple orgasms. His works by coming quickly and then falling asleep. If he can last longer, you could ask him to delay until you have a second orgasm. However, if he cannot delay longer, try not to let it bother you. [Or, if he wants to try and last longer, he can try the stop-start technique described in my book, Sex Made Easy.]

Although orgasms are fun and pleasurable, is it really quantity that matters? Can you find other ways to make sex feel more pleasurable, such as through connection? Or, if quantity does matter to you, can you use your own fingers or a dildo or vibrator after or as he falls asleep? Try talking with your boyfriend about it, being respectful and kind about how his body works and see what you can make work. Good luck! 

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