The Sex Doc is now a daily! Check back here every day for a new question. Have one for Dr. Debby Herbenick of the Kinsey Institute? Send it anonymously here.
How can I lose my virginity without it being really painful?
Sarah: Regardless of the gender of the asker (who, from context clues, I’m guessing is female) my answer remains the same here: lots of lubrication and a partner who makes you feel safe, relaxed, and most importantly, really turned on. For your specific situation, I’d recommend tons of kissing and foreplay—as in, you should fool around until you literally can’t stand to have your clothes on—and then going slow when it’s time for actual P-in-V. Ideally, get a partner who you feel totally comfortable communicating with and whom you trust, and then LET HIM KNOW what’s going on with you and your body. And by the way, most guys feel almost as much trepidation about being a girl’s first as you do about losing it. The way to navigate these choppy waters is just to communicate and be honest about your physical and emotional feelings.
Debby: It’s not always painful to have intercourse for the first time. Sure, it is for some but for many people, it is very pleasurable and only mildly uncomfortable. Your best bet is to choose a partner with whom you feel comfortable and highly aroused. Your strong arousal will help you lubricate vaginally (I am assuming you’re a woman as men rarely fear painful first intercourse, unless it’s receptive anal sex they are wondering about). And if you are comfortable with your partner, then hopefully you will feel relaxed and also more easily able to say, if you feel it, “stop” or “go slow” or “be more gentle” or “this is amazing!” or whatever your experience is.