I think part of the reason I haven’t been able to enjoy anal sex is I’m so worried that it’s going to hurt that I can’t relax. Is that a thing? Do you have any ideas for how to get myself to relax and (maybe) enjoy it?
— Anonymous, from Tumblr
Sarah: Are you asking for some kind of yogic meditation phrase? “Breathe in serenity, breathe out through your unclenched butthole.” That I cannot provide for you, friend. What I would do, if you’re in the beginning stages of your sexual repertoire, is practice with some plugs or a vibe when you’re alone. That’s assuming you really want to do it, and it seems like you might not be that into it if you’re having trouble relaxing. If you want to do it because it feels good, go for it.
Debby: If anal sex hurts you and you don’t like it, it’s okay to accept that and just engage in other kinds of sex. People of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations have come to that conclusion and it’s a totally fair one to come to, as with any sexual behavior. If you think you might like anal sex or want to give it more of a try, consider checking out some of the better anal sex books on the market like Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin (regardless of your gender) or, if you’re a woman, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino.