For NUVO's Pizza Issue, we though we’d take this opportunity to preview the Colts’ regular season — with pie. For every game on the schedule, your humble NUVO sports-deskers have picked a pizza that fits (kind of) the spirit of every matchup. (NOTE: This list assumes that you’re a poor slob ike us and will be eating at home and NOT in NFL venues such as Lucas Oil. Oh, and this also affords us the perfect gimmick to sneak in our always wildly inaccurate predictions. Mangia!)

At Bills, Sept. 13, 1 p.m. Arni’s, Jets and other shops offer a Buffalo-chicken pizza. Hotbox has a take called “The Hot Chick.” Order one up, and every time you try to take a mouthful, miss your face wide right. MAN, that joke never gets old!

PREDICTION: Colts by 3.

V. Jets, Sept. 21, 8:30 p.m. Order a New-York-style pie. When the delivery guy comes, refuse to pay. Argue. Make the delivery guy so angry he punches you in the jaw.

PREDICTION: Colts by a TD.

At Titans, Sept. 27, 1 p.m. Pizza Hut rolled out their BBQ-chicken monstrosity with a campaign starring bro-country hack Blake Shelton. Seems like a nice fit for this matchup.

PREDICTION: Colts by 12.

V. Jaguars, Oct. 4, 1 p.m. What’s the crappiest frozen pizza you ever had? Eat that. It still won’t be as bad as this game.

PREDICTION: Colts by 20.

At Texans, Oct. 8, 8:25 p.m. Take a cheese pizza. Any cheese pizza. Add roast beef. Follow with Alka-Seltzer.

PREDICTION: Texans by 1.

V. Patriots, Oct. 18, 8:30 p.m. Tell your friends you’re ordering them a deep-dish pie. Then serve thin crust instead. Tell ‘em it must’ve deflated.

PREDICTION: Colts by 3. (Please, please, PLEASE.)

V. Saints, Oct. 25, 1 p.m. Bazbeaux Bayou Chicken.

PREDICTION: Colts by 4.

At Panthers, Nov. 2, 8:30 p.m. Cam Newton shills for Pizza Hut. Don’t do that to yourself twice in one season. Get a pie from Pizzology or Napolese. It’s prime time. Live a little.

PREDICTION: Colts by 1.

V. Broncos, Nov. 8, 4:25 p.m. If you can possibly order a pie from one of the Papa John’s franchises Peyton Manning owns, that’s the only time you get a pass ordering a Papa John’s pizza.

PREDICTION: Broncos by 6. (Manning’s got something to prove here.)

BYE WEEK, Nov. 15: Eat a salad.

At Falcons, Nov. 22, 1 p.m. Jockamo Upper Crust has a pretty wide selection of chicken pies. Eat a bird.

PREDICTION: Colts by 6.

V. Buccaneers, Nov. 29, 1 p.m. Puccini’s Shrimp Santori. Arrrgghh!

PREDICTION: Colts by 8.

At Steelers, Dec. 6, 8:30 p.m. Pittsburgh? Your favorite all-meat, heavy-on-the-sausage pizza.

PREDICTION: Steelers by 3.

At Jaguars, Dec. 13, 1 p.m. (See the previous Jaguars entry. Weep as you eat for the poor, poor NFL fans left in Jacksonville.)

PREDICTION: Colts by 14.

V. Texans, Dec. 20, 1 p.m. The Patio, Piezanos and a few other joints make taco pizzas.

PREDICTION: Colts by 3.

At Dolphins, Dec. 27, 1 p.m. ORDER ONE WITH ANCHOVIES.

PREDICTION: Colts by 1.

V. Titans, Jan. 3, 1 p.m. Imagine your first choice for pizza is closed. What’s your second string?

PREDICTION: Colts by 3.

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