2014 Colts Preseason Game #629: An Analytical, In-Depth Preview

 

Hi there, Colts fans! Good news! Our endless journey through the horrible, wretched ass fissure of the NFL preseason comes to an end tonight! (YAAAAY!!!) Bad news: we're resting our normal Colts Insider, Nate Dunleavy, the nationally renowned NFL savant. (BOOOO!!!!) In his place, though, we have "Milt," a kindly gent we found yelling profanities at a squirrel in the middle of South Street. Milt does not follow the Colts or professional football or various municipal laws regarding not defecating on Denny's tabletops whenever he sees fit. Be that as it may, Milt is good people. In fact, he is JUST the person to preview this final preseason game.

Let's get to the analyzin'!! It will help keep things a bit more interesting/understandable when we we're not watching it tonight.

Nuvo: What's the key for a Colts victory tonight against the Bengals?

Milt: [vomits an unopened box of hair ties]

Nuvo: Within the Colts' secondary unit, who do you think will have the biggest impact tonight?

Milt: That fuckin' squirrel, man. I swear. I SEE YOU OVER THERE LAUGHING, SQUIRREL!!!!!

Nuvo: Two-part question — 1.) What will the Colts need to do to contain the Bengals' running attack? And; 2.) What would be an acceptable rushing total to give up?

Milt: My tooth hurts. THANKS A LOT, NOBAMA.

Nuvo: What's your prediction for the final score?

Milt: [digs out tooth using a samurai sword]

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