Not had enough of #DeflateDERP, have you? WELL YOU'RE IN LUCK TODAY, GANG! Because Tom Brady's agent, Don Yee, after his morning coffee-'n-4Loko, issued his official response to the four-game suspension. It is full of all kinds of paranoid dipshit-ery, of course, because #DeflateDERP cannot die.
In short, Don Yee accuses the Colts of collusion — which is fancy lawyer-talk for the Colts plotting and conspiring with the NFL to tamper with the footballs in order to something something, I don't know, I am not entirely sure exactly what Mr. Yee is getting at:
He also suggested the league was in cahoots with the Indianapolis Colts, who blew the whistle on the Patriots after under-inflated footballs were found in the first half of their AFC Championship Game loss to New England in January.
"The report also presents significant evidence the NFL participated with the Colts in some type of pre-AFC Championship Game planning regarding the footballs."
Then Yee started throwing rocks at everyone and everything in his office and was all, "WHAT SAY YOU THERE, FUZZY BRITCHES?!!?" as he turned to an inanimate poster of Tom Brady wearing an Uggs diaper, because Don Yee is not the sort of man who lets Reason or Sanity ruin a good argument.
"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THIS IS!!!!" Yee bellowed at the assembled media and also Morgan Freeman who was there for some reason. "A CONSPIRACY!!!! ONE ... [throws rock] ... BIG ... [throws filing cabinet] ... CONSPIRACY, AND EVERYONE'S IN ON IT — INCLUDING THE COLTS!!!!!"
(Oh God please make this all go away it is so very very dumb ok thanks, bye.)