Savage Love Mask

My 7-year-old son started getting really into gauze, splints, and bandages when he was 3, and by the time he was 4, it became clearly sexualized. He gets a boner when he plays “broken bone” or just looks at bandages, and he has expressed how much he loves to touch his penis when he does this.

My husband and I (both happily vanilla) have been accepting and casual about this. We’ve provided him with a stash of “supplies,” taught him the concept of privacy and alone time, and frequently remind him to never wrap bandages around his head or neck. Is it normal to be so kinky at such a young age? I know kinks generally develop from childhood associations. When he was 2, he had surgery to correct a common issue on his groin. Might that have sparked this?

want my son to grow up with a healthy and positive sexuality. Are we doing him a favor or a disservice by supplying him with materials, freedom, and privacy to engage in a kink so young?

Boy Always Needing “Doctoring” And Getting Edgier

Your son’s behavior isn’t that abnormal, BANDAGE. It’s standard for kids, even very young kids, to touch their genitals — in public, where it can be a problem, or in private, where it should never be a problem. And lord knows kids obsess about the strangest shit. (What is the deal with dinosaurs, anyway?) Right now your son is obsessed with bandages and splints and gauze, his interests aren’t purely intellectual, and it’s easy to see a possible link between his experience with bandages and gauze in his swimsuit area and his obsession.

None of this means your son is definitely going to be kinky when he grows up, BANDAGE — not that there’s anything wrong with being kinky when you grow up. There are lots of happy, healthy kinksters out there, and your kid could be one of them when he grows up. But it’s too early to tell, and so long as his interests aren’t complicating his life (he’s not behaving inappropriately with friends or at school), your son’s whatever-this-is will become less of your concern over time and ultimately it will be none of your business.

In the meantime, you don’t wanna slap a “so kinky” label on a 7-year-old. (If he were to overhear you using that term to describe him, does he have the computer skills to google it himself?) But you’re doing everything right otherwise. You aren’t shaming your son, you aren’t making bandages and gauze and splints more alluring by denying him access to them, you are teaching him important lessons about privacy and what needs to be reserved for “alone time.”

You ask if it’s normal to be “so kinky” (a phrase we shall both retire, at least when referring to your son, after today) at such a young age. Probably not—but so what? According to science, most adults have paraphilias, aka “non-normative sexual desires and interests.” That means kinks are normal — at least for grown-ups — so even if your son isn’t normal now, BANDAGE, he’ll be normal someday. Most happy, healthy, well-adjusted adult kinksters can point to things in their childhood that seemed to foreshadow their adult interests in bandages/bondage/balloons/whatever. Author, journalist, and spanking fetishist Jillian Keenan (Sex with Shakespeare) was fascinated by spanking when she was your son’s age; Keenan likes to say she was conscious of her kink orientation before she knew anything about her sexual orientation. So while your son’s behavior may not be “normal” for a kid who grows up to be vanilla, it would be “normal” for someone who grows up to be kinky.

My girlfriend drunkenly confessed to me that she used to pee on her ex. I’m not sure what to do with this info.

Dude’s Relationship In Peril

Did she ask you to do something with this info? Did your girlfriend say, “Hey, I used to pee on my ex — now go make me a dream catcher with that news, would you?” Your GF got a little kinky with an ex, most likely at the ex’s request, and so what? If piss isn’t something you’re into, DRIP, don’t obsess on the distressing-to-you details and focus instead on the big picture: You’ve got an adventurous GF. Congrats. If she doesn’t have an equally adventurous BF, here’s hoping she finds one.

On the Lovecast, Dan and Jesse Bering chat about your father’s penis:

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