I love reading your column, but I had to write you because in the last one with "Pissed," I think you needed to tell it like it is, and didn't. You're being way too nice. So I thought I'd give you the man's perspective on this.
Come ON! That girl is a psycho, straight-up. What's probably happening is that she turns into an obsessed stalker after a few dates, and most guys I know unfortunately have dealt with this type, myself included. I've drawn so many of these. If things aren't working out, I'll be honest with the woman I'm seeing, but if she's calling all the time and tracking me down at work, forget it. That only enrages them further and the next thing you know, she's everywhere you go. One woman made my life hell for almost a month, driving past my house all the time, showing up where I work, calling in the middle of the night. It doesn't pay to be honest with women like this. It's best to just bail, let them figure it out on their own and move on to the next poor slob. That's the real reason why she's left having to "analyze" these guys. Wake up! There's nothing to figure out!
If she doesn't want to end up alone, she should go out and buy every self-help book on the market, and get a shrink. That's my advice to all women out there who pull this routine. Listen up, girls, you'll never meet our mothers if you act like this.
Thanks for letting ME rant back. I really do love your column, no offense.
Joe Sane, Seeks Same
Been through the wars, have we? Sorry to hear about your bad experience, doubly so to learn that in your circles, this type of thing is common. Like "Pissed," I hope you feel better after letting it out. However, neither of you, in my opinion, are being rational. I'm guessing your past brush with lunacy has left you overly-sensitive to this problem.
I'll be the first to admit there are uber-clingy people out there who need to sign up for Backing Off 101, but I don't agree that "Pissed" was a case in point. She had every reason to expect to see the guy again. Let's be fair here; she had a couple of dates and both parties were enthusiastic. Given the situation, I would assume genuine interest on the part of the man. I'll grant you, I would have packed it in and assumed he wasn't interested when things went sour, but that's just me. Other women will try to get things back on the right track, or at least find out what's going on. That's perfectly reasonable. Stalker? Nah. She moved too fast, came on too strong. But a few phone calls and a follow-up e-mail do not a stalker make, yet. I made that clear in my response to "Pissed," and stand by it now. You have not convinced me that only those who politely disappear, after real or perceived disinterest, and without investigating why things cooled, are sane. I hate to tell you, but you'll be hard-pressed to find someone like that. Humans are by nature curious, and when something happens to us, we usually want to know why.
By your own admission, I understand you've been burned, so of course that makes you wary. Just be careful, Joe. Don't let your fear of psychos undermine your sense of civility. Because then, they win. And so do the terrorists.