I think Steve’s onto something here, but I don’t agree we should make marriage unavailable to everyone (Hammer, “Let’s Abolish Marriage,” Nov. 30-Dec. 7). The churches, synagogues, mosques, temples, etc. can keep tending to their spiritual flock. There are those among us that will always need to think there is some supernatural deity about to spank us for being naughty. Great, free country. Rock on.

But I offer a modest proposal that the government get out of the marriage game. Just stop recognizing religious unions all together. People that are religiously moved can still get them, but the state doesn’t recognize ’em. That’s called separation of church and state. So the religiously moved, keep on marrying. But if you want the goodies that come with being married, you’re gonna have to pay up like the rest of us. It’s called the free market.

There is something much more lucrative for the government to get into: “domestic partnership agreements.”

Hey, the government already grants bodily rights to soulless entities: corporations. So from now on, if you want the government to recognize your domestic union, you pay up. Just like my partner and I recently had to do.

The Religious Right (or “Wrong,” however you may look at it) views marriage as sanctified and a privilege. Not a right.

Cool with me. Pay to play. How many 55-hour marriages are going to come into play when it costs you $1,300 per person and four hours in a lawyer’s office to get “incorporated.” Not too many.

“Oh, but what about the children?” Good question. I think everyone should have to pay just like me and my partner. A couple thousand dollars in legal fees later, the “partners” (two, three, five — who cares? As long as everyone holds up their part of the corporation?) have financial and legal rights as parents over the wee one. And the moneymakers reading will love this: If by the time the child is born, two or more people have not stepped up to the plate to legally testify under penalty of perjury and garnishment of wages they will always financially support the child, the kid goes off to an “orphanage.” Finally, all those folks making money off the Supermax prisons can get rich enslaving “uncertified children” in factories that teach “industrial art” skills like sewing and smelting. Think about the possibilities! We could finally compete with China again on labor!

No more welfare, no more useless illegitimate children. People will think twice about having babies without some sort of support because they have to pay to play!

Maybe we should call Sen. Patricia Miller with this idea. It’s so simple and straightforward, it just might work!

Posted by Tammy



Recommended for you