I hope that you may be able to help me with a problem I have been having for over a year now. I am coming up on my seventh anniversary, and I have been thinking about leaving my husband. I know that for about a year now that I have not been in love with him for a while. We also have kids. The problem started before we even got married; he cheated on me. Then he did it again, this time on the Internet. He is usually on it late at night, on porn sites, which really isn’t a problem. But lately in the last two months I have been under a lot of stress, and he has been most of it.
I also need to let you know that he has been somewhat abusive, and that is the main reason I have decided I need to leave, but my fear is that he will put up a huge fight over our kids. He has said in the past that it would be a fight, and given his attitude I know he will. And no I have not called the police; I have been afraid to. What I really need help with is a place that would help me to establish myself as a single mom. It scares me to think about having to start over, but I know that in the best interest of my children it is the right thing to do! I can’t put all blame on him, as I know I have not been the easiest person to live with either. But right now the hardest thing for me is to just up and leave, I have no idea where to go, or what to do, and I desperately need your advice. I thank you for your time, and await your advice.
You are wonderful and strong and brave for leaving, my dear. You are right, if there is any sort of abuse going on in your household, there is no gray area; you’ve got to get out. Infidelity, that’s one thing; possible porn addiction and a shitty view of women, that’s bad too. But domestic abuse is the absolute point of no return. You’ve taken this first step, but fortunately you don’t have to go through this alone. If you can enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member, do so. Additionally, if you are ever hurt, contact the police or sheriff immediately and get medical attention for any injuries. I understand that you have not called the police before, but you can always file a criminal complaint, even after a crime has occurred. I called the Marion County Sheriff’s Department and the number for that is 317-327-3811. If you’re outside Marion County, call your local department.
Also, here is the contact information for the Julian Center. They can help keep you and your children safe, provide counseling and assist you in rebuilding your life.
The Julian Center: (317) 941-2200; 24-Hour Crisis Line: (317) 251-7575; www.juliancenter.org.
Once again, yes, you are absolutely right to leave. No one has the right to hurt, threaten or intimidate you, and no one should have to live with fear. Not you, not your children, NO ONE. If anyone else reading this is living with abuse, I hope you will hang onto this information, and get help. Best of luck to you, brave lady, I wish you and your children a happy future filled with love.