Lisa "Lou" Welch Dear Lou,
I need your advice. I think I'm being blown off by my girlfriend of only three months and I have no idea why or how to stop it from happening. Everything was great until after New Year's. Then, she tells me that she's really hungover from New Year's Eve and doesn't want me to come over. Fine. So I call her on Monday because I know she has the day off and she doesn't answer the phone all day. I know she was screening because when I come over she does that all the time. Also, she's had her cell phone off, too. I tried to call her at work but I either get her voice mail or once she picked up and said, "I'm too busy, I'll call you tonight." She didn't. Then, finally, I get hold of her and she says that she doesn't want to go out at all this weekend, and "really thinks we should back up a lot." I asked her for how long, and she said "indefinitely," and that she'd rather I not call her anymore. When I asked her why, she said she didn't want to talk about it because she wasn't good at confrontation. So I asked her, point blank, if she was breaking up with me, and she said, "I don't want to have this discussion, just don't call me," and hung up! What the hell? Everything was going so well, Lou, seriously. We saw each other at least three times a week and always had a great time, the sex was awesome, we even talked about the future but not in a rushing things way. What's going on? What did I do wrong? It's not the end of my world, really, because we've only been together for three months but is there something I need to know that I'm doing wrong?
Dear Blown Off,
I'd let this one go, and not worry about figuring out why it went south. Proof the old cliches are true, in my opinion: "It's not you, it's her." If ever there was a red neon sign flashing "Cut Your Losses," it's the one hanging ominously above this girl's head. Yeah, she is breaking up with you, but who cares why? Given the timing for your relationship, I feel compelled to bring up the following grim possibility, though bear in mind I have NO PROOF of this: She could be one of those dating-for-the-holidays assholes because she didn't want to be alone. But let's return to what we know. For the sake of argument, let's say you indeed had committed some heinous boyfriend infraction; she should at least have the character and courage to tell you what it was. Or perhaps it just wasn't working out for her. She should have the courage and character to be honest about that. She has neither. I can't imagine a grown woman ending a relationship in this passive-aggressive manner without being damaged goods. You're right to not mourn this passing much, but don't fritter away trying to understand why it happened. I imagine the reason, if there was any at all, was as weak as your ex.