An open letter to Mayor Peterson Dear Bart: It seems to me that what this town needs is a Center for Wit and Satire. Other struggling towns like ours do things like spruce up the downtown and subsidize professional sports teams. A Center for Wit and Satire would make Indianapolis stand apart from the pack. Research has shown that among those who enjoy wit and satire, the presence of a Center for Wit and Satire is a growing quality-of-life issue. Witty and satirical people, whose median income, I am told, is well above the median, ask before relocating: Does the city have a Center for Wit and Satire? Our Center for Wit and Satire would be witty and satirical. Who could be against that? Think of our great American wit and satirist Mark Twain: Wouldn"t it be un-American to be opposed to Mark Twain, and, by logical extension, to be opposed to a Center for Wit and Satire here in Indianapolis? Furthermore, a Center for Wit and Satire could train a cadre of court jesters who could help ease the pain of all the troubling news associated with your administration. Death of Calvin Cole while in police custody still unsolved? Water company contract mysteriously awarded to foreign company? Expensive consultant hired to help with Colts negotiations? Inner city in economic meltdown? Who"d even care about these things if attention were diverted by a gang of talented court jesters trained at the Indianapolis Center for Wit and Satire! According to a study, the Market Square Arena site would be the best location for the new Indianapolis Center for Wit and Satire. I am, of course, available to take on the post of president of the Indianapolis Center for Wit and Satire, were the position offered me. Rocky the Cat with an Attitudeô has verbally committed to be vice president although he is, as you know, a prickly character with whom a few things would need to be ironed out. The writers here on the Antennae page at NUVO could serve as faculty. Rocky the Cat with an Attitudeô and I will be happy to enter into negotiations with you at any time. Remember: Without a Center for Wit and Satire, Indianapolis is just another cow town with an NFL team. Cordially, J. Williams

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