Dear Lou, 

I got involved with a married man. Well, actually, I didn’t know he was married at first, I just didn’t put much stock in the relationship because he wasn’t available on a regular basis and always seemed to end up being a booty call (duh! I know why now!). A friend of a friend finally told me the truth, and when I confronted this man I got that same old sob story, my marriage is a wreck, I’m getting divorced any day now, blah blah blah. Yes, I fell for it long enough to keep seeing him for a while, then got smart and broke it off. Well, too many people knew about us, and his wife found out. She never believed it though, from what I hear. I’ve tried to just put the whole mess behind me and move on with my life, but my circle of friends and his run together a little, so I hear things. The rumor is that they (he and his wife) are trying to have a baby. Well, last week, I got a call from the guy, saying it wasn’t true about the baby, and he wants to see me again. My question is this, should I tell his wife? I am no saint in this, I know, but I’m trying to do the right thing now. Especially if she’s thinking of having a child with this man, she should know what a lying skank he is, right? Please help.

Thanks,

Reformed Mistress

Dear Reformed,

Because his wife has already learned about you and doesn’t believe it, I’d keep your further involvement to a minimum. No one should live in a marriage or start a family under false pretenses, but I imagine she has some idea of her husband’s crappy character and simply isn’t willing to confront reality. Now, if he calls again, that’s different. If he continues to contact you, tell him you will speak up if he doesn’t stop. Change your number if need be, and if he becomes violent or threatening in any way, contact authorities. But it’s more likely he’ll just slither on out of your life for good.

I certainly appreciate wanting to do the right thing to make up for past mistakes, but in this case, pardon me, but you’ve done enough. As a party to an affair, your role in what transpires in this unfortunate marriage should not expand, as it will do no one good. It is not appropriate for you to place yourself in the position of watchdog or liberator; such as they are, they’re adults. While their mess involves you, it goes much deeper than you, too. So your only obligation is to continue reinforcing the good choices you’ve recently made. Do all you must to prevent further contact with this man, ask others not to give you updates on his jackassity and, obviously, do not allow yourself to be in this position ever again.

 

Love,

Lou

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