Thanksgiving is a celebration of the day, many score ago, when our forefathers broke bread with the Native Americans and in turn snagged a hit of their peace pipe; our nation’s first cocktail party. That’s why I’m here, to help make your Turkey Day less “holy”day and more “holla”day.
For most of us, Thanksgiving means trekking to Grandma’s for some home cooking and family time. But it seems no matter how much facial hair we grow, our relatives always see us as those scuff-kneed toddlers trying to ruin the prayer circle. Show them your maturity by taking initiative this year; try leading the thanks or bringing a self-cooked dish to complement the meal. You’ll look like a grown-up and I promise they’ll stop telling that story about you crapping your pants in second grade. Remember, legal drinking age does not equal maturity; show you’re an adult with good manners by not drinking your weight in eggnog.
For those of you not living in your hometown and without the available sick days to fly home, I suggest a Thanksgiving with friends. You can make Thanksgiving-away-from-home an eventful day if you incorporate everyone’s traditions and stay open-minded. Sidenote: Make sure someone knows how to cook. There’s nothing more embarrassing than the supermarket on Thanksgiving; all 20-somethings with cell phones to their ears asking their moms for the ingredients to a proper cranberry stuffing.
Thanksgiving is the dress-rehearsal for the much more lucrative Christmas/ Hanukkah season. Keep your eyes on the prize. The day after Turkey Day is the biggest shopping day of the year and if you don’t make your wishes known you’ll be getting another bundle of socks from Aunt Ruth. Drop hints about how into fashion, music and technology you are. They’ll be sure to think of you while scoping out iPods or buying gift certificates at Saks.
This Thanksgiving I’m thankful to you, the reader, for taking a chance on an unknown lush with a typewriter, namely me. Stay safe this year and have a great holiday.