Party Expert There’s nothing I hate more than waiting in line. Whether downtown or uptown, it’s torture waiting for a bouncer to grant you immunity from the fitted-jean sheep straddling the velvet rope. What makes time really crawl is scoping out the VIPs as they flash the bouncer a smile of recognition and no ID and stroll inside like their daddies write the payroll checks. We hate them but we spend the entire night trying to get their number. Here are a few pointers on how to achieve VIP status when you have S.O.L. connections.

Intrigue: It’s your job to convince the bouncer that you and your friends are the biggest scenesters since the Bratpack. While he’s checking your ID, yell to your crew, “I can’t get crazy tonight. I spent $300 at [other bar] last night.” You don’t actually have to be rolling like The Donald; as little as a $5 tip as you exit can get you recognized in the crowd the next weekend.

Girls: Guys, bouncers are reluctant to let in an entire frat house. Try partying with some ladies for a change and the doorman will bend over backwards to accommodate you. Keep in mind, it’s your job to prove that the six girls accompanying you will produce the “barhopper triad”: A. guys will buy them endless drinks, B. there’s a possibility for table dancing or minor frontal nudity and C. the bouncer might have a chance with one of them. I suggest shots before you leave the pre-party.

Your night: Make the bouncer correspond your face with a specific night. Say things like, “Every Tuesday, man.” When you buy a round, make the toast to the night, “This is to Fridays at [bar name here].” Just remember not to go to that bar on any other day, or they’ll just think you’re an alcoholic. These skills may take repeated attempts before reaching full VIP status but, believe me, after a few weeks the bouncers will start to expect you. They may even call out your name as you walk pass all those losers waiting in line.

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