We've always known he was one of the nice kinds of pirates — you know, the type prone to break into song and dance, rather than bootleg your band's album or abduct your adventurous but kind-of-stupid kid who really shouldn't have been in Somalia in the first place.
Thus, the good Captain Morgan will be subsidizing free rides home in Indianapolis on Super Bowl Sunday from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. Fans in no condition to drive can simply dial 1-877-U-BEMYDD (1-877-823-6933), and a volunteer designated driver will ferry you home — in your own vehicle, no less.
This offer is for drivers of drinking age only and is provided by the designated driver service, BeMyDD, via Captain Morgan's First Mate Fund, which has donated $25,000 for the occasion. The brand is owned by the UK-based firm Diageo, the world's largest manufacturer of spirits.
Admiral Nelson has declined to comment on these developments; he could care less whether you live or die.