Ask a brewer... with Triton's Dain Driscoll and Mike Hess


If you've been conscious in the last couple of years, you've probably enjoyed an ice-cold Railsplitter at a sporting event or brew fest. That's because it's friggin' delicious, and we've cajoled two of the guys who make it and all the other delicious brews at Triton to answer some of your burning questions. Here's Triton's Dain Driscoll and Mike Hess.

Question: I moved into a new house with a little basement room that looks like a good place to brew beer. If you could do the perfect home brewing setup in your home, what would that look like?

Dain Driscoll: You guys remember when Marty Mcfly goes back in time and shows up at Doc Brown's house? Doc opens the door and throws some kind of "mind reading" device on his head and tries to figure out what he is there for. Well we all know that he does not succeed. My homebrew setup would be something like the Delorean: Awkward looking yet super efficient. My brew kettle would rival the flux capacitor in beauty and grace. Wouldn't it be sweet to make beer and travel through time? I would totally drink and time travel. That's not illegal, is it?

Mike Hess: When planning a homebrew setup you should probably think like Homer Simpson. Remember that episode where Homer uses a pick to put holes in Flanders' car? Lots of speed holes. Or the episode where they grow Tomacco by combining tomatoes and tobacco. Wait what were we talking about?

Question: Why is someone I love trying to get me to go on a juice fast, and how do I get them to stop?

Hess: As long as you put some gin in that juice, I don't see a problem with it.

Driscoll: Why would a friend want you to take steroids? I've seen some dudes that "juice" and they all creep me out. Their whole day consists of HGH and Powerbars. Who would want to live like that? Powerbars taste like shit. #CraftBeerKillsPeople.

Question: What is the douchier men's fashion choice: Cargo shorts or jean shorts?

Driscoll: Jorts are like Britney Spears. No one will admit to liking them but lets face it everyone does. She's a powerhouse, who else can freak out on national tv, shave their head and still sell out arenas.... Britney, bitch, that's who! I really like jorts...

Hess: I think the more important question here is why is it not socially acceptable to go without shorts? It should be OK to "Donald Duck" it once in awhile. Especially this time of year.


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