These peepeing toms
John Ashcroft"s Justice Department announced a new program last week: Operation TIPS - the Terrorism Information Prevention System. The goal is to create a system of stool pigeons, involving letter carriers, meter readers, cable repairmen and other workers who routinely have access to people"s homes or work in local neighborhoods. When these peeping Toms see suspicious activity, they will call an 800 number, which will be routed to local authorities and stored in a database. The department plans to select 10 cities for a pilot program next month, even though postal workers have already stated that they do not wish to participate.
Will Indianapolis be up to this challenge?
"We"ve competed for projects like this in the past - and won," said local civic leader Buzz Leek. "First there was that Pan Am Games. Then the NCAA. Now Indianapolis can be the tip top of TIPS!" Leek added, "We"ve had great success getting kids to tattle on their parents about marijuana use - and vice-versa. Getting Hoosiers to rat on their neighbors should be no problem. Just think about that hard-partying person next door you"ve been having to put up with - I mean, if their devil music at 2 in the morning isn"t terrorism, what is?"
The city believes that Hoosier pride should be a factor in making Indianapolis one of the 10 chosen TIPSter cities. "This is a great way to remind Hoosiers that, hey, we ARE at war!" Leek said. "What could be better?"
Editor"s note: Right after Roscoe Steed submitted this story to the Antennae page, he disappeared. While our colleague Roscoe has been known to disappear from time to time, it is nevertheless disturbing that he didn"t even leave us one of those cute stick-"em kind of notes with a dirty picture on it, as is his usual custom. Nor did he leave any vitriolic voicemails or e-mails of good-bye that delight in turning curse word verbs into nouns and visa-versa. Nope, Roscoe just booked. So if anyone has any information about his whereabouts, please do not contact Treeboy, but us, here, at email@example.com. We promise we will keep your information anonymous, unless of course you don"t want us to use your name. ñEgor S. Grand