The mullet of madness


Donnie Baker’s career has been meteoric. From the occasional phone call into the Bob & Tom Show in a futile attempt to sell his boat two years ago, to today, where throngs of rabid fans wearing “Shut-Up Randy!” T-shirts wait outside arenas repeating Donnie’s trash-talking catchphrases, his popularity has grown by leaps and bounds.

Baker is the embodiment of that mullet-wearing motor-head who was forever occupying the seat outside the principal’s office for making morally questionable (and possibly illegal) projects in shop class. He is that fast-talking, incredibly loud, beer-fueled bull-shitter, a trailer park teller of tales. His life is a mixture of misfortune and myth, a small town boy with a big city ego who wants the world.

NUVO: What high school did you attend?

Baker: Look it up! Or just check out the trophy case at Discount Karate. I don’t want to come out and say it because I’m still a primary suspect in robbing our bookstore back in ’87.

NUVO: What were your teenage years like?

Baker: Nothing but sack lunches in juvie. To this day I still get the willies when I smell peanut butter or see someone cut up an apple.

NUVO: Did you participate in organized sports?

Baker: I wrestled for almost three summers and even competed in two weight classes higher than mine before some of the parents complained about how I looked in tights. And my Little League coach held me back even though I had the best knuckle curve in the county. We got it on tape.

NUVO: It is rumored that you are quite the athlete within the martial arts community.

Baker: It ain’t a rumor if you got the trophies to prove it. Before I had Tommy John surgery on my left knee I was probably the most dangerous black belt I knew of. And I’m proud of what I’ve done in the martial arts. Hell, one summer I scissor kicked a circus bear at Boonies Bar to help raise over $200 to prevent cruelty to animals.

NUVO: Who were your heroes growing up?

Baker: Dick the Bruiser, Razor Shines and my Uncle Sonny who taught me how to use a satellite dish as a deer stand. Those guys are legends.

NUVO: Who are your inspirations?

Baker: David Coveradale from Whitesnake. The old judge in Court 7, and whoever invented Zubaz.

NUVO: I have heard that you have a boat for sale.

Baker: I do have a boat for sale. Call my pager. My ad’s right below the last massage parlor ad under “encounters.”

NUVO: What is your ultimate goal in life?

Baker: Sell my boat. Then buy a bigger boat. And maybe go to bartending school because they get more snow days than any school I know of.

NUVO: Prior to your latest career, what type of “real” jobs did you have?

Baker: Counter hop at Mr. D’s meat shop in Southport, DJ at Beech Grove Roller Dome and skate patrol director at the Roller Cave for almost three summers.

NUVO: Do you have any other talents?

Baker: Ask Patti Fergusons or Angel Skinner. I swear to God you should!

NUVO: In a rare moment of relaxation, what type of reading material do you reach for?

Baker: Pretty much whatever I can steal from the waiting room at Jiffy Lube. Anything with pictures of hot rods, boats and babes. That and all the massage parlor ads in the back of NUVO.

The acoustic, Southern rock compositions and comedy of Drew “Droopy Drew” Donisi, who has opened for Baker in Dayton, Terra Haute and Grand Rapids, opens the show for Donnie Baker at One Liners Comedy Club March 27-29. Appearances by The Pork Pistols will be a highlighted feature of this limited run event. Donnie will be recording a new comedy CD, so the venue is offering Premium Seating over and above their regular seating. For show times and tickets: 317-889-LAFF.