Those dirty bastard brits Last week"s sold-out concert by British rock band Oasis was cancelled when, according to press reports, a traffic accident resulted in injury to the band"s leader, Noel Gallagher, and two of his bandmates. Initial coverage indicated that the accident took place when a taxi the rockers were travelling in on Fall Creek Parkway near Delaware Street collided head-on with another car.

At first, this incident looked like yet another in a recent series of attempts by local taxi drivers to discourage tourists from coming to Indianapolis. Not stopping at rude behavior and over-charging, the driver in this case appeared to take things further by not stopping at all - until, that is, the front end of his vehicle came in contact with the front end of another motorist"s conveyance. Oddly, though, no tickets were issued by Indianapolis Police at the scene. This has prompted speculation, similar to the famous "Paul is Dead" rumours of early 1970, that in fact there was no accident. That Oasis cancelled its concert for another, even more compelling, reason: the opening day of the Indiana State Fair. Reports suggest that once the band of Brits arrived here for the Indianapolis stop on their national tour, they, like everyone else in town, were overwhelmed by hype for the State Fair. Indeed, lead singer and notorious "bad boy" Liam Gallagher apparently ordered multiple televisions brought to his hotel room so he could simultaneously watch fair coverage on Channels 6, 8, 13 and Fox. It was at this point that the boys in the band decided they owed themselves a taste of Hoosier hospitality. They postponed their Murat Theatre gig and made a Brit-style beeline for the fairgrounds. Witnesses on the Midway say they sighted an obviously chastened Liam, his head securely in a carney"s hammerlock, crying, "All right, mate, I"M the wanker!" And promising to speak clearly, so as never to require English subtitles on VH1 interview programs again. a spokesman for the group declined to confirm or deny these reports, but allowed that the band would be requiring a supply of deep-fried Milky Way and Snickers bars in the dressing room at all venues for the remainder of the tour.

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