Doughnuts & firemen Last week it was reported in the local media that out of 755 employees of the Indianapolis Fire Department, over 80 percent are technically obese. Remarkably, the vision of fat firefighters performing their heroic and grueling tasks was no problemo for many local citizens.

One, Dale McMcmc, from Fishers, said that king-size firemen put him "in a holiday mood. Those big boots remind me of Santa Claus - and he doesn"t seem to have any trouble climbing over rooftops." Others, such as Tyler Durden, remarked that he wouldn"t mind "being rescued by a large fireman. I could hang on to him like a possum and grasp his love handles. Then, after the event, he might hold me close to his manly breasts." Area proprietor Fred Duffmanski, who owns Duff"s Doughnuts, said he delivered eight dozen doughnuts to his local firefighters after he read the article and "felt like maybe they needed cheering up." An IFD spokesperson, who declined to be identified, promised "vigorous solutions to the problem, including on-site liposuction and new, guaranteed procedures where you can lose weight while you watch TV or play cards!"

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