[this is satire] From the Diary of Rocky the Diabolical Cat™ 12/25/03: J.’s beautiful ladyfriend Liz arrived from Chicago for a long weekend. I admired her from many angles and decided that the best way to win her heart was to play hard to get. I must have her! 12/26/03: J. got a cordless drill yesterday. All day long all I heard was ZZZZZZZZ! ZZZZZZZZ! ZZZZZZZZ! It made me crazy! Also: Continued to ignore the beautiful Liz per my strategy to win her heart. 12/27/03: J. and Liz went to The Abbey for brunch. I spied on them from behind the cappuccino machine (a nice piece, by the way; I think I need to upgrade to a more commercial-grade machine at the house). It was so warm and cozy back there that I dozed off. I had a nightmare in which I relived the infamous thermometer incident at the hands of my personal physician. The horror! The horror! I awakened, refreshed myself with a few drinks from the bottles of Italian syrups and went home. 12/28/03: Liz went home to Chicago today. 12/29/03: It’s official! My book Night Thoughts: Reflections, Aphorisms, Epigrams, Etc. will be out in Italy on March 1. Bartolomeo Pistola called from Edizione Testa d’Uovo and gave me the good news. He’s lining up print, radio and television interviews for me right now. 12/31/03: The beautiful Liz came into town. Once again I ignored her. I am sure that by now she is just dying to get to know me. 1/1/04: Meeting of the Feline Front to outline plans for 2004. Also went out and pissed on a few Ashcroft Youth to bring the new year in on a good note. Continued to ignore the beautiful Liz. I just know she can’t resist an enigmatic fellow like me. 1/2/04: Liz left today. It occurs to me that perhaps my strategy of ignoring her was flawed in that I was never able to gauge her interest in me since I avoided looking at her. Note to self: Re-think strategy to steal Liz from J.