[this story is satire] In a startling development, Indianapolis has given up on being a city, say sources close to what once was called “City Hall.” After battling for the better part of the past three decades to put itself “on the map” of American cities, leaders of the former Hoosier metropolis have decided to throw in the urban towel. “It’s a relief, actually,” said Will Kress, longtime city booster. “No more worrying about whether the Colts stay or go, no more embarrassment about our arts scene, no more making excuses about our lack of public transportation — and no more dithering about that brain drain. Now we can just settle back and age gracefully.” Of course, a name change will be in order, as the former city’s suffix, “polis,” is derived from the Greek for, you guessed it, what Indy is no longer. A number of new monikers are now in contention, including Indycrest, Circleburb and Lillyput.