"1. The Fountain

Darren Aronofsky’s drama starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz deals with the quest for immortality. Accordingly, the film takes forever to end. I’m not just popping off here. This movie is excruciating. Some have described the production as trippy, but I can’t imagine what combination of drugs it would take to make this experience pleasurable. Boring, pretentious, humorless drivel.

2. Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing & Charm School

Clichés run amok in a would-be quirky heart-warmer that is even more annoying and cumbersome than its title. The film jumps back and forth between storylines, all of which are trite and often cloying as well. Meanwhile, John Goodman gets the longest death scene in the history of cinema. The movie dies way before he does.

3. Deck the Halls

Matthew Broderick and Danny De Vito are battling neighbors in a Christmas comedy without wit or laughs. As bad as Christmas with the Kranks.

4. Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties

Sequel to the dreadful 2004 live-action comedy with the computer-animated cat. The movie is so lame that it almost makes the comic strip seem funny by comparison.

5. All three movies in Tim Allen’s 2006 comedy crap-o-rama: The Shaggy Dog, Zoom and The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.  

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