the fear of another boring date on Valentine's Day is more terrifying than the

fear of commitment, grab your honey pie and experience what the city of

Indianapolis is putting on just for you. Ranging from swanky to sassy, we've collected our top finds for the holiday of love to ensure that

both the raunchiest and the most intellectual of readers have a chance to make

the most of the day. We want you to enjoy the holiday, because next year, you

may end up just as lonely and cynical as all of your depressed single friends.

TOTS 'Guide to a

successful marriage'


it isn't a stand-in for couples counseling, Theatre on the Square's Valentine's

comedy about love and relationships, A

Contemporary American's Guide to a Successful Marriage, may shine some

light on couples suffering from cold feet. The rollicking comedy showcases two

Iowan couples for whom things never go according to

plan. Set against the backdrop of the 1950s, the ups and downs of the two 'by

the book' couples are meant to show that marriage is not as different now as it

was then. All that's left to do is convince your resident commitmentphobe. Through Feb. 19.

'Kiss Me Deadly' at the IMA

If Cold War-era movies described as "nihilistic" and

"apocalyptic" really get you going, your Valentine's plans have been decided. Winter Night Films at the Toby is putting on Kiss Me Deadly, a 1955 sci-fi film noir about a murder

investigation with plenty of intrigue, thrills and even a blonde damsel in

distress. There is sure to be plenty of opportunities to snuggle close during

the more dramatic and chilling moments, and it will no doubt spark long

conversations where you can gaze into each other's eyes. Even better, you'll

impress everyone with what an intellectual couple you are. Showing is Feb. 11

at 7 p.m.

Tickets are $9 for the public and $5 for the members.

'Love Bein' Here With You' at the Columbia Club


If you

and your other half are looking for a return to classic romance this

Valentine's Day, direct your attention (and savings account) to The Cabaret at

the Columbia Club. This year's entertainment features the musical stylings of Roy Geesa's Cool City

Band playing songs ranging from swing to soul — a perfect soundtrack for

holding that special someone close while whispering sweet nothings in their

ear. Friday, Feb. 11. Tickets are 100 bucks a pop, or, if you want to really impress your date,

spring for the $225 VIP package which includes dinner, a performance and a

rose. Ooh la la.

Rocket Doll Burlesque at Radio Radio

Hosted by

master of ceremonies Georgie von Wundersnatch,

Radio Radio's Rocket Doll Revue promises to be a Valentine's Day date to

remember. For just $10, audience members are treated to a raunchy and raucous

show put on by the ten rhinestone- and fishnet-bedecked members of the

burlesque variety troop. Local rockabilly band Shelby-County Sinners will add

to the ambiance of the night. The combination of tunes and ta-tas

is guaranteed to please. Friday, Feb. 11. $10.

Hunting for

romance in Carmel


one is ever too old for a scavenger hunt. Thankfully, the Carmel Arts &

Design District has recognized the need to keep the young puppy love inside

most couples alive by hosting one and offering some pretty impressive swag for

participants as well. Your Sherlock skills will finally be put to good use as

you scour the District for clues and have a Valentine's Day adventure that will

be hard to match. Even better, couples can enter into a drawing for a prize

basket that offers different items and services from all your favorite stores

in the areas. Recommended for adults, as many items being raffled are more

adult-themed. Feb. 12 from 5 to 9 p.m.

Chocolate &

wine trail

Picture it: You, strolling arm-in-arm with your lover, sipping wine and

nibbling on decadent chocolate while sweet nothings are being whispered in your

ear. If this sounds like your ideal V-Day outing, sign yourself and that

special someone up for the Indy Wine Trails' Valentine's event at Mallow Run Winery Saturday or Sunday, Feb. 12-13. Tickets are $25 in advance, $30 at the door. Better yet, designated driver

tickets $12.

DIY Hearts at the Art Center

For those with gentler souls,

the Indianapolis Art Center may provide the most low-key Valentine's plans on

the list. A short sampler class of how to make your own glass heart is being

held the Sunday before the Hallmark holiday, so you and your most precious can

create an artistic representation of your love. Be careful with your work,

however, because we're pretty sure that breaking it can't cause anything but

bad karma. Those who can't attend the specific class can plan their own, as

long as four other couples join them. The class will be held Feb. 13, from 3-5


Sweets for your

sweetie at the Conservatory

We're pretty sure this is the most romantic, movie-like Valentine's Day plan

you could choose. There's chocolate, candlelight, coffee and a conservatory

filled with tropical plants. If the romantic inside of you isn't swooning,

well, maybe you just shouldn't be celebrating this holiday. Even though it may

be winter, the Garfield Park Conservatory promises to be in full bloom, just like your love

(well, maybe). For one night, you get to pretend that you live in some rich,

exotic tropical land instead of a Midwestern suburb

prone to ice storms. Also, you won't even have to empty out your wallets too

much.Feb. 14 from 7 to 9 p.m. Admission is $15 for couples and $8 for


Jazz and sushi at Earth House


you and your main squeeze are the nostalgic type that long for a simpler time, Earth House has you covered. Prepare for a debonair night of jazz music, sushi,

and candlelight that's sure to be reminiscent of what your grandparents did for

Valentine's in the '50s. Grab that dapper suit or swanky red dress, and prepare

for a cozy night full of dancing and locally sourced food and other organic

goodies. The cold and ice will be but a distant memory with some hot tunes and

warm, friendly company. After all, a couple that dances together ($30). Thursday, Feb. 17.

Put a ring on it


your heart in the right place this Valentine's Day? If yes, grab something

borrowed, something blue, something old, and something new — and your

hunk o' burning love, of course — and head to the Marion County Clerk's


to tie the knot. For the fifth year in a row, the office will lend

itself to couples in search of a chapel for simple civil ceremonies on this most

hallowed of Hallmark holidays. In lieu of an officiant's

fee, couples are asked to make a $50 donation to the American Heart

Association's Go Red For Women campaign. Unfortunately, as of Feb. 4, the

Clerk's Office is all booked up, but couples are advised to check back in the

event of cancelations. Remember, a marriage license must be procured prior to

the ceremony — don't let your first spat as a married couple be about who

forgot the marriage license. To RSVP or get information about marriage licenses,

call 317-327-4740.