Seventy-seven of Indiana’s 92 counties currently cling to Eastern Standard Time year round, declining to budge for daylight-saving time. Five additional counties spring forward and fall back in lockstep with Ohio, 10 more with Chicago. Confusing? Just wait ’til next April when new legislation will put the entire state on daylight-saving time, but leave it up to individual counties to choose their time zone.

Lake County in Indiana’s northwest corner decided that it will stay on Central Time due to its proximity to Chicago. Via a spokesperson, “Da Mayor” indicated that Lake County was indebted to Chicago “on account a we don’t got any good TV channels of our own and I don’t really wanna hafta stay up an extra hour to watch Desperate Housewives.” Effective immediately, the county slogan is being changed to: “Lake County, We’re Up Chicago’s Ass.”

In Posey, the southernmost county in the state, legislators made a similar decision, announcing, “In order to stay in step with our Southern brethren we have decided that from this point forward the time in Posey County will be 1953.”

Switzerland County in the southeastern extreme of the state insisted that they would remain neutral throughout the time zone debate but that, whatever time it was, they would keep it impeccably.

Representatives from Grant, Howard and Carroll, a triad of north central counties, took a different tack, choosing an innovative approach to fomenting future business development. A spokesman announced they will adopt the Eastern, Central and Mountain time zones respectively so that “driving east to west, Patty Spitler can triple up on her happy hours.” He paused a second before excitedly throwing his hands in the air and screaming, “We’re gonna be rich!”

Specific plans from other counties are still pending.

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