Washington, D.C. — 2011. Yesterday morning, the last known terrorist was killed in the village of Bremertown in Iraqiland. The terrorist, Mahmood al-Walid, was spotted lurking behind a building and was shot down. The marksman was the former senator from Massachusetts, John Kerry. As many analysts agree, there is a delicious irony, and in fact a sense of closure, in this act. In the 2004 debates, there was one arena of agreement between the two bitterly-divided candidates John Kerry and the Current and Future President George W. Bush: the necessity of hunting down and killing terrorists.
The election of 2004 was of course marred by confusion, alleged corruption, technological snafus and a host of problems so insurmountable that today, seven years later, the election has still not been decided. In the meantime, Bush and Kerry, reminiscent of the collaboration between Bush and Al Gore in the disputed 2000 election, opted to put their differences aside for the good of the country. Together, they decided to enlist Kerry in the war on terror as a soldier, playing to Kerry’s extensive battle experience.
It’s likely that neither man at that time knew that the election limbo would exist this long. It’s also likely that somewhere inside their steely postures, both men harbored some doubt that in fact all the terrorists in the world could actually be accounted for and brought to justice.
Al-Walid’s death would to appear to finally erase that doubt.
Ceremonies planned include a parade of Al-Walid’s casket throughout the subcontinent of MiddleEastland, including Iraqiland, Iraniburton, Afghaniwitz and Rumsfieldton.