Egor S. Grand

The Indiana stadium decision to install only 36 water fountains in its new sports complex has cheered at least one local organization. The Indianapolis chapter of the Society of Urine Drinkers (SUD) believes this lack of free water availability will finally bring them the mainstream attention they have long deserved.

"Now for the first time," said SUD spokesman Whiz McAlvey, "the average Joe will say, 'Hey, maybe I ought to give that piss drinking thing a try.'"

SUD has had a chapter in Indianapolis for about 33 years, with a current membership of "somewhere in the four dozen range," McAlvey said. The organization has a nationwide reach with some 12,000 adherents scattered throughout the country.

SUD members regularly drink their own urine, a means, according to their bylaws, of "purification and sanctification of the subtle body and thus the body's consciousness." Adherents say the practice dates back thousands of years in various ancient cultures - even Gandhi reportedly imbibed.

"Imagine," McAlvey encouraged reporters, "unable to afford $3 bottles of water or $7 cups of beer. You're parched from hollering for your team, your mouth is dry, your tongue swollen - what will you do? You'll give piss drinking a try."

The benefits, he stressed, will be "bounteous."

Dr. Hal Knowdit, a senior faculty member at IUPUIPUI, said that while there aren't any specific health hazards in imbibing urine, "It seems to me that it would taste terrible. In fact, I can only barely imagine something as reprehensible as consuming one's own waste product. It's a weird mixture of cannibalism and incest. Although," Knowdit allowed, "most beer sold at stadiums in this country does taste suspiciously like, well, piss. "

Still, to be safe, Indiana stadium authorities are considering installing cup dispensers in the stadium's restrooms in case such an activity should become widespread. At this juncture, the cost for these sterilized cups is speculated to be $2.49.

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