Since he became “America’s Favorite Survivor,” many people have been coming up with ideas for the next television show featuring Rupert Boneham. Well, I’m no exception. Here are my ratings-grabbing shows: The Rupert Makeover Show. Annoying, well-dressed men who are obsessed with their own appearance receive a complete Rupert makeover.
Undercover Rupert. Our hero tries to go out in public without being recognized. Using various disguises — panhandler, house painter, circus strongman, one of the Oak Ridge Boys — Rupert travels around the country waiting for ordinary folk to recognize him. When they do, he gives them a rib-crushing hug.
Grateful Rupert. A television music show featuring Rupert as the veejay who plays nothing but Grateful Dead tunes.
Rupert’s Nightmare Theatre. A tribute to Sammy Terry, the great late-night horror movie host. Rupert is particularly well-qualified for this role: One of his past occupations was cemetery caretaker and gravedigger.
Rupert Sings. With his gravelly-throated baritone voice, Rupert would be ideal to cover songs like Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” and anything by Joe Cocker or Tom Waits. Rupert’s theme song would be a pounding version of Gloria Gaynor’s 1979 disco hit “I Will Survive,” followed by his trademark roar.