[this is satire]
It is common knowledge that punditry after the fact is as vital to shaping public opinion as the speech or debate or event itself. Both parties have developed complicated strategies that coordinate an array of talking heads espousing — and, often, justifying or recalibrating — their candidate’s point of view in a variety of mediums.
One such strategist, however, finds himself at the center of a controversy.
Josh McSimpsonian is a founding member of the Washington, D.C.-based SpinDocs R Us, and has been in the employ of the Bush Administration for four years.
McSimpsonian, subsequent to the presidential debate last week, intentionally leaked a memo to the New York Rosemary & Thymes citing that Bush was victorious in the contest with Sen. Kerry because he had “successfully held to the goofy smirks and vocal repetition that appeals to the third-grade mentality that the president hopes to capture in the election this year.”
The memo, which was quoted copiously in the Thymes, went on to say that “the president’s decade-long training in the art of anthropo’folkism is indeed paying off as he has successfully shed any vestige of his silver-spooned, Northeastern upbringing in lieu of a down-home, home-spun numbskull arsenal of repetition, repetition, repetition.”
McSimpsonian’s memo added, “It’s the repetition, stupid,” then went on to gloat about the president’s most extraordinary moment, early in his presidency, “when he feigned the famous pretzel incident. What better way to appeal to the common man than to nearly choke to death on a junk food confection while watching a televised sporting frivolity.”
The Bush team, outraged by the leaking of the memo, quickly learned that McSimpsonian was in fact a double-spin doctor also in the employ of the Kerry campaign. When it was not immediately apparent how they could stop the political strategist, they opted for a spin doctor medical malpractice suit.
A Washington, D.C., prosecutor agreed and issued a Stop-Spinning Decree to McSimpsonian yesterday.
McSimpsonian promised to issue a statement later today.