Egor S. Grand Maggie Voluptio, a licensed therapist in Indianapolis, recently published a book and series of products that pertain to her new theory of contemporary feelings of despair. “Think of it,” Voluptio remarked in a recent interview. “We spend nine months in utero with our placenta, then we’re born and poof, what I call ‘Our First Friend’ is gone forever. No wonder people walk around with this nameless feeling of loss and loneliness.” She continued, “The placenta fed us, kept us warm and gave us loving companionship. The loss of it I believe is tantamount to losing more than a limb. Its phantom pain is excruciating.” Voluptio’s book, published by AuthorHut, is called Placenta Loss: Searching for Our First Friend and comes complete with a plastic placenta that you can blow up. But Voluptio offers other, more authentic facsimiles, such as a hot water bottle that looks like a placenta — complete with truncated umbilical cord — at a cost of $19.95. She calls these ersatz placentas MyPlacenta. “We hear of disgruntled workers going postal,” Voluptio said, “and road rage and crimes of passion. I call these incidents ‘Placenta Mental’ — instances where the loss of the placenta is just too much; people crack.” Voluptio insists this sense of loss is worldwide as “everyone has a placenta, no matter what.” Voluptio will read from her new book this Thursday, May 11 at 7 p.m. at Boogie-On Bookstore, 3435 Yahweh Way.

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