Egor S. Grand

Robert Deckard brought a lawsuit against his former employer today, charging United Systems, Incorporated with discrimination. "The only real reason they fired me was because I'm a slacker," Deckard claimed, adding "And I'm incompetent to boot."

United Systems, Inc. declined to comment as their spokesperson and assistant spokesperson were both taking the day off due to the summer heatwave.

Deckard, for his part, was more than willing to discuss the case. "I worked for USI for four years," he told this reporter, "and I can't really remember anything much I accomplished. Some of my co-workers called me a 'multi-slacker' because I was so good at it. But that doesn't make it hurt any less that I got canned for it."

Deckard's lawyer, Christopher Chris, said that he is doing very little on Deckard's case. "I'm really not working on this one at all," Chris told this reporter. "He's not even on my radar, really. Plus, I'm going to Cayman Islands next week so I'm not doing anything, period, other than think about what I'm going to pack."

Deckard, born and raised in Indianapolis, admitted having spent "a lot of time instant-messaging and playing solitaire" on his computer, and that the memos and work orders issued by USI were largely ignored. "What am I," Deckard asked, "their slave or something?"

This reporter, needing to meet an early deadline so he could take the rest of the day off to go to a local pool, declined to further listen to Deckard. A resolution to his lawsuit is not expected any time soon.

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