If the recently announced Sierra Club lawsuit against the producer of their beloved, goofy, militaresque SUVs weren"t enough, Hummer owners got more bad news this week: They and their vehicles face conscription to the Middle East as part of the U.S. troop build-up there.

Branthwaithe Sniffinbottom IV, imperial war advisor to King George II (George the Usurper), stated yesterday that the private army of His Highness is running short on military vehicles, since the king has been sending them to so many colonies lately. "We hath looketh around," Sniffinbottom said, "and we hath decideth that the Hummer, as it is baseth upon an imperial army designne, would be the best wagonne to send. Furthermorre," he added, "the owners of these Hummers, as they are knownne, are quite patriotick in their attituddes and publick utterances, so we shall send them along with the Hummers to Arabia." A source close to the Royal Family stated that the first Hummers conscripted will be the ones painted prettier colors, such as yellow. "Oh, His Majestie doth loveth yellowwe!" stated the source, who requested anonymity lest he be beheaded.

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