In one fell swoop last week, President Bush’s entire Cabinet resigned. To complicate matters, everyone Bush asked to step up to the various positions refused to do so — even the secretaries of the secretaries made themselves unavailable, in many cases leaving Washington, D.C., without giving notice.

This mass exodus left key positions in government unfilled.

The White House press secretary resigned, too, so there was no one to tell reporters what the president’s plan of action might be.

Truth is, there were no reporters to ask questions — had there been anyone to pose questions to — as the reporters, discouraged by the lack of substance, had stopped covering the White House long ago anyway.

Though it is true that Bush managed to hang on to his vice president, Dick Cheney was absent, rumored to have been admitted to a local hospital for a “check-up.”

The president’s personal chef quit, as did all the help-staff at the White House. The presidential chauffeur resigned last week, as did the president’s tailor.

That left Bush alone in the Capital with his Scottie dogs as Laura and the twins were vacationing in Europe.

It is reported, however, that the presidential dogs ran away last night and no one can find them. Or, perhaps, there is no one left to look for them.

Everyone — politicians, newspaper reporters, butlers, maids, drivers — had all left their places and positions of employment to “spend more time with their families.”

No longer existing sources, however, speculate that these individuals have in fact left their jobs to play the stock market. Or, in some cases, to leave the country. Or, in the case of one, quitting in mid-sentence to

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