[this is satire]
by Rocky the Diabolical Cat™
After our rejection at the Canadian border, the beautiful philosopher Diana and I sat in her Corvair at a rest stop. "We need a scheme - any scheme - that will get me across that border!" I hissed.
"My dear pet, I foresaw this very possibility, so I brought along a little something," she cooed. She pulled out of her handbag a handful of fur. "Here, slip inside it. It's a calico disguise. Everybody loves calicoes, Rocky!" *
I got inside the disguise and Diana zipped it up. She then placed a rhinestone collar around my neck. "Now you're Fifi, my beloved calico!" she tittered.
We approached the border again. "Whatever you do, darling, just purr and meow," Diana whispered.
The same humorless border guard who had just given us the boot approached the car. "Your papers, please," he intoned with self-important gravity. He did a double-take, recognizing Diana and the Corvair. "You again, eh?" he spat.
"Where is your friend, Mr. Rocky Cat?"
"Oh, I left him back in Michigan," Diana responded. "I have decided to bring my beloved Fifi, the calico, along instead."
"Purr purr purr, meow meow meow, purr purr," I said in a monotone.
The border guard softened. "Please let me hold that calico. Everybody loves a pretty calico!" he sang.
Diana picked me up and handed me to the guard. "Purr purr purr, meow meow meow, purr purr," I said in a monotone.
The guard rocked me in his arms, nuzzled me and kissed me. I barely withstood the indignity! He then handed me back to Diana, and passed us through with a magnanimous wave of his hand.
As we drove into Canada I did a little celebratory breakdance on the seat. "I'm free! I'm free!" I screamed.
"Yes you are, my little pet. Welcome to Canada!" Diana said with a devious gleam in her eyes.
* This seems rather kinky to us. - The eds.