On the border

[this is satire]

by Rocky the Diabolical Catâ„¢

As Diana and I approached the Canadian border I became jaunty. "Free-dom! Free-dom!" I chanted, thrusting my paw into the air. "Free-dom, Free-dom, here I come!"

"Oh my pet, you are so darling!" Diana said, and tweaked me on the nose.

At the crossing, a humorless Canadian border guard asked for our papers. "Yo, Dudley Do-Right, let's get a move on!" I chuckled.

"Pardon me?" he asked.

"C'mon, my man, it's me me ME, Rock-eeeee! I'm fleeing repression! But who knows, I might be carrying the fascism virus, you better watch out, hahahaha!" I laughed maniacally.

"Please step out of the car, sir," he commanded.

He gave me a body search that was, to say the least, denigrating. He then flicked me on the forehead with his forefinger and made his pronouncement:

"You can't come in."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because," he replied.

"Because why?" I asked.

"Because I said so," he replied. "Because I am a bureaucrat, and what little joy I get in this job, and in this life really, is by making capricious decisions that destroy other people's lives. Go ahead, bitch, whine, moan, file an appeal - but the reality is, I'm screwing you over because you annoy me, Mr. Rocky Cat.

Please pull your car into the turnaround and remove yourselves to the United States."

"But I'm a Canadian citizen!" Diana protested.

"Fine, come on in, but leave your friend Mr. Rocky Cat behind," the border guard answered.

"Screw you!" Diana yelled. "C'mon Rocky, let's go back to the United States!"

And we drove back into the U.S.